Meaningful Discomfort

I left my job 79 days ago to take a career break, and I’m not sure when I’ll go back to work or even what that work might look like when the time comes. Will I return to nonprofit or social service work? Will I pivot into something completely different? Maybe I’ll start a "new" business. The possibilities feel exciting and exhausting.

Until I figure it out, I’ve been enjoying slower days filled with journaling, sewing, knitting, gardening, working out, and, most of all, relaxing. After 28 straight years of steady employment, relaxing is apparently a skill I have not yet mastered.

I’ve definitely wrestled with the anxiety of not having a job. I’m so used to productivity, schedules, deadlines, and always knowing what comes next. This is the first time in my adult life that I’ve had this much unstructured time without a return date hanging over my head. I don’t know how to do this break well yet. Sure, I’ve taken a few lengthy vacations here and there, but nothing like this. This break is long enough that I may even start to feel bored, which, surprisingly, I’m looking forward to. 

One thing I thought I would dive into during this break is jewelry making, but that hasn't been the case. I've been feeling some resistance around it, and instead of forcing myself through it, I’m trying to get curious about where that resistance is coming from and what it might be trying to tell me. So far, I have only made a pair of beaded earrings and I'm hoping there's more to come.

For now, I’m learning how to exist without constantly measuring my worth by productivity.  Some days I do that well. Other days I reorganize a closet and call it a win.

[Vintage Czech glass beads with brass sheet and gold filled wire.]